Heat of the moment

Generally, I felt my love life this year has been skewing towards insane. What happened to normality?

Guy A - knew him 5 years ago, but were never close cause he was just one of my RYLA participants back then. Obviously, he's younger than me and that arrogance, I just can't. He's a good friend, but definitely not the kind of guy I would date or even be in relationship with. 

Guy B - one of my closest friend since 8 years ago. I basically had a huge crush on this guy back then and not sure if I still feel the same (as in is it crush or it has evolved to love, or was it pure lust? I don't know). I felt like those who know me back then could have easily guessed who this guy is. Everyone knows I crush hard on this guy lols. 

Guy C - met 2 years ago while I was interning and he was one of the students in the academy. Gotten close early April as he said he needed a friend to talk and wanted to drink, to which I felt both is my forte hahah. So, we had dinner and drank and talked. He felt that we vibe and confessed a week later. I...am speechless. 

Like why? Why couldn't it be the guy I crushed so hard on finally is moving to Singapore and we could finally try to make things work after so many years? Or why couldn't the guy we vibe well is same age or slightly older than me? Lols. Joking, these weren't the point. 

The point of me ranting (yes, again) is that as much that I appreciate their feelings towards me but sorry loves, I gotta ask, are you sure it wasn't just another heat of the moment? Are you sure you didn't feel that way with every other girl that you find pretty in other moments? Cause if what you felt towards me was the same as what you felt towards others, then love, take a cold bath and calm yourself down. You're not in love, you were just experiencing another heat of the moment. So don't come and say you have feelings towards me cause that's just wrong and very misleading. 

Grown up.

Remember how when we were young and foolish, doing everything out of pure rash decisions. Yeah, I kinda missed that. Kinda hate how I'll actually be logical and sit down, analyzing pros and cons, yes and no of everything. Well, except when it comes to shopping other than that yeah.

I missed being young and foolish, wild and rash. But at the same time, I also appreciate that I've grown up to become who I am today. Maybe I have not grown up much in others eyes, but to me, I felt like I've aged well. Perhaps like a fine wine? HAHAHAHA okay, that was too much.

I like how these few years whenever I met up with long lost friends, or just friends that I've reconciled recently and they told me that I'm different then who I used to be. And I actually liked that. Although I do miss being young and wild, but I also appreciate being wiser and logical. I like how whenever we talked, my friends used references like 'the old you' and 'the you now'. Like, hey thanks for noticing that I've grown up and am someone different than I used to be. Well, even at one point when I was so used to living alone and enjoyed my solidarity, mom said that she felt I wasn't her daughter anymore. Reason being that I've develop a different preferences to my lifestyle, food choice. A whole ass different vibe and person, if I may put it bluntly that way. She literally bawled and said, I'm not who I used to me. And all I can say is, I've grown up. I've learnt to clean up my own shit, learnt to plan ahead, learnt to know what I want at the moment. My solidarity experiences changed me as a person. I might still be naive at times, but I'm not longer dumb and naive. Or maybe I should say, I choose to be oblivious to things around me that I no longer give a shit about as rather than being naive and thinking that everything will work out just fine.

I guess, I could say that, I'm no longer the little girl I used to be.

Shit happened, shit will continue to happen. Grow the f*ck up.