There's a fine line between giving a shot for things that you think worth a shot vs constantly trying your luck like a dumbass or even just tries too hard. Man, I don't think I've figure that shit out yet but I've definitely done my fair share of being embarrassingly trying too hard. Lols.
Anyways, I've been on dating sites for some time now and really think that it's getting boring. Despite I had the intention of solely meeting new people and making new friends, but it didn't really seem to work towards that way. Like I've went out with a few guys, they're nice (at least most of them are) and it was nice talking to them, knowing them and tries to find common topic to talk about. But the thing is, when things just suddenly get all awkward and weird, and I have no fucking idea why and what happened (or maybe I did but I was oblivious about it), things just get...awkward. Yeah. And it sucks, cause it's like you're talking to a real cool friend who has similar interest with you and suddenly the entire conversation was hard to continue on, or like it felt like they were forcing themselves to talk to you. Which sucks. Like, dude just tell me what's up. Not that I wanna fix things and make it a happily ever after, hell no. But I would like to know er why? So at least if it's regarding my communication skills, then I could improve and talk 'properly' to the next guy that I meet (?). Something like that. But yeah, it sucks. And I can be very upfront with you, I'm actually sick of this shit. It was fun at first, yknow like meeting new friends, trying to see how different people talk or react to certain things. But now, nah. It's getting boring and exhausting. I mean like, I would like to have a proper friendship with these people. Like maybe, once in a while we'll text each other and go out for a movie or coffee just to talk. I don't understand how that couldn't be done, or how that seems to be something that's not do-able. Couldn't seem to build my mind around that idea or so.
But yeah, if you wanna be friends with me. Hit me up please. But if the intention of making friends is to meet up for a few dates, some awkward physical touches here and there and had the intention of one night stand, sorry to say, I'm not your girl. Please find others.
In the mean time, I'm gonna just dive into the Marvel universe and get back in shape (been slacking on my runs) and build myself up. I want to be someone better than who I was yesterday. Someone that I could be proud of, someone that would do anything to not feel lonely. Maybe I should learn to embrace loneliness and I'll feel and act like someone slightly different.
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